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The affied attacks wire supr posed to teach-bim a ksson. The limited strikes have so far i nflicted only minim a! I thoughttbey were supposed to be smart bombs, but instead they are very stupid missiles,"' said the doctor. Saddam went out of his. Presfcfeiit Bush may actually be presept mgtafta with ah acute dtiefo- Tnai v If firiiite d strikes do DOt foroeTramamipKknoe,shoald their scale and intensity be increased, and if so.

For once Mr Bush appears to have disregarded the policy championed fay Golin PowdL chairman of the joint chiefs of Staffi that any militaiy action -sihouicLbe undertaken, only liy an overrtubnmg, force. This, however, is not die aim of tire. Indeed, there are few officials who believe that the three raids and arty subsequent attacks wfil get Saddam-removed. The answer is not yet dear.

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The bombs and missSes have, however, forced him to give ground: Throughout the current confrontation with Iraq, Brent Scowcroft, tiie US national security adviser, has been on foe. Targets in northern Iraq a by 4 US aircraft based rn Turkey. Buckin ghamshir e, said the Iraqis had been getting used to night-time attacks.

In the north four US jets launched their attack from Indriik, Turkey. American and British bombers, covered by six French Mirages and US air defence aircraft, used 1 ,b and 2. Yesterday's raid began at about am London time and ended at about 9am. This time, however, only one batch of three 1,b bombs was dropped The pilots of the second pair of Tornados coulld not property identity the target an air defence command bunker at al-Najat and called off the attack for fear of causing rivifian casualties.

He said British and French soldiers would be peacekeeping force if one is deployed. The United States has al- asked to join Kuwaiti fighting ready sent 1, infantry unite near the north and troops based in Texas to northwestern border area, augment some US special where numerous incidents forces troops which were in with the Iraqis have occurred Kuwait for exercises before the in recept weeks.

Their The minister did not specify stay is reported to be indefinite the-number of troops he was and their arrival was described calling for, but said foe request as a message to Baghdad, was' in tiie context of the Abdullah Bishara, tiie Ku- defence pact signed last year, waiti secretary-general of the Western sources said that Brit- six national Gulf Co-Opera- ain. If the British come here, it is not just a British initiative, but at the behest of the international community.

We will have a warm welcome for them, and for all the Allies. They will boost our morale and hdp to contain the Iraqi regime. The United Stales has secured the lion's share of those arms deals since the end of the Gulf war. Air raid sirens were sounded in Kuwait and Saudi Arabia yesterday, apparently in the mistaken belief that Iraq bad responded to the third allied raid by firing a Said missile. Her throat had been.

We have missed you," she i greeted me ibis time. When the anti-aircraft fire began in Baghdad on Sunday night, it was Amira who shouted to guests and staff miffing about in, confusion. The last thing her friends heard her say was: Another woman, identified only as Zeinab, also died. Fifteen others were injured at the al-Rashid: But yesterday a Western fare drew onty hostile glares. How and why United Nations flights arrive in Iraq seems to titem a paltry reason to bomb their capital and risk live. The plan offers high growth for your savings, with a guaranteed cash return.

Cash Escalator offers a guaranteed cash payout in. Although their value cannot be guaranteed in advance, once added these bonuses can never be taken away. The plan also has built-in life cover Ask for a Personal Illustration - without obligation - to see how the plan could work for you. And when you do, you'll receive a free Travel Alarm Clock, yours to keep whatever you decide. Coups in Iraq in the paa have had some degree of dvffian backing, but Saddam has.

The congress has had little success in courting senior figures within the Iraqi milrtaxy. Established last June, the congress first made progress and last November hosted- a conference in northern Iraq which brought together delegates from virtually every opposition group for the first time on Iraqi sofl. Loosening ties with regional capitals, they espoused democracy, pledged to keep Iraq unified and created a joint leadership.

Some now argue that the congress is reinforcing secretarian differences rather than overcoming them. Many opposition leaders agree that the best way to topple Saddam is to strike at tiie Amu al-Qasr, a 20, strong presidential guard. Available only io penons raiding in the United Kingdom. Make your first decision of Choose a new Peugeot Junior. Offer subject to status over 18's only. A guarantee may be required. With the introduction of our range of cars, we reduced the new car profit margin available to our Dealers and prices were reduced.

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Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, 92, who is also at Sandringham, was unaffected. The prince was to have gone to King's Lynn to visit the Citizens' Advioe Bureau, foe town hall and a museum. I have never served anyone as difficult as this customer. They just began throwing the chocolate around. It stuck to everything. In Stephen Thdcer, a Manchester businessman. Tnrhiflrng f fcifly tnlrfng s sheets and letters of complaint from customers. They would not be identified in court as their lives were still at risk because of sensitive-work they did white in the SAS.

The case continues today. Mr Ratner admitted speeding on the M40 near Oxford on October After the case bis wife Moira wrote a cheque in full payment of the fine ami then drove him off in her E- registered BMW convertible to their five-bedroom home near Maidenhead. Last'night Mr Ratner said he was baffled as to how his disposable income had been assessed. A heron could carry off the goldfish. Your dog could savage the shag pile in the hack hedroom.

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Many of the people whose homes were flooded By Lin Jenkins went to stay with friends. Others were taken to an emergency centre at Perth grammar school. Repairs to the Tay flood barrier have started, although the water will not subside for days. Jennifer GUcrest, aged three months, was rescued with her parents by firefighters who ferried them to safety in a boat. The water was 5ft deep in their home. She moved from London with her month-old daughter Charlotte for a quieter life, but like many others was worried about footers.

I was reading the policy by candlelight with the water pouring in and it seems to exclude flooding. French sue over flower champagne. The case continues tod ay.

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For your copy of our leaflet which explains the plan in more detail, post the coupon or call Or visit your Rover dealer. Telephone Or, if you wish, you can part-exchange your Metro and take possession of a brand new Metro. In other words, you can drive a new Metro every two years. The parents and boyfriend of Meteme Douglas, 19, who was knocked down by a car as she crossed a road near herhome m Binmngfaam. There are no ethical difficulties. It could be delivered fry Caesarean section after 28 weeks.. Doctors said at a press conference yesterday that Miss Douglas had shown signs of recovery in toe past two weeks but still had afoya B chance.

Sheftas been transferred from toe intensrweare unit to a general want where she is breathing norma lly and being fed through a drip. WPC Karen Clowes was s earching the bedroom of Jonathan Evans, 20, after his arrest bn suspicion of drugs offences when she found toe cash in a jacket, Stafford Crown Court was told. Howrcn when Mr Evans was released without charge he complained to-the police about the missing money. Clowes, of Packman;Staffordshire, at first claimed the money was hers, bat in coart she admitted theft and attempting to pervert toe course of justice.

London, Oxford mid Bir mingham. Bristol magistrates were told yesterday. HamiH, unemployed, of Wells, Somerset abandoned the coach in Exeter. Sentence waspostponed for medical reports. Two searches ' proved fruitless aftera po- ficeman noticed the empty Jaguar. Sussex police said tire area was notorious for- suicides. Chel tenh a m. Further conditions of offer available on request. All loans subject to status and valuation and not available to persons under Written quotations available on request ' Abbey National pic. Mr Patten is writing to all Both bodies consider that schools are overloaded and should concentrate on the basics of the nine compulsory subjects.

School inspectors are to compile a progress report in 12 months' time. Teacher training wfll also be reformed to ensure that students are competent across the whole curriculum, as well as offering specialist expertise. It puts paid to an era of deep damage to this country and especially its children because of trendy methods of reaching which were useless. Leading article, page 17 Look and learn: Somalia aid Since the beginning of the present crisis in Somalia. Teachers will be encouraged to group pupils according to ability and replace project work with a more emphasis on separate subjects.

Courses in teacher training will be adapted to ensure that students can cover the foil range of subjects while also specialising in a particular area. The two bodies disagree on the extent of the reduction in content but both judge that better teaching alone would not enable schools to cope. The NCC considered dropping some subjects from the curriculum, bur agreed instead to concentrate on the basics of each area. Although the inspectors doubt the need to reduce the scope of all subjects, the NCC will review each of the nine. English and technology, which are already under review, will be the first subjects to be slimmed.

David PascalL the council's chairman, refused to give a timescale to amend the whole curriculum, but John Patten, the education secretary, promised a five-year programme. The NCC considered the case for a longer school day, but decided that this was not appropriate for primary schools. It proposed only that the 28 per cent of schools teaching less than the recommended minimum should increase their teaching time.

Guidance will be issued soon on the mast efficient use of classroom time. The Ofsted report says: Sir Derek Spen- , cer. Solicitor General, said diuing Cmnmons questions. In Parliament Commons 2. The Bar and Law Society suggestions include a pay freeze for legal aid lawyers for in spite of the rise in overheads for the profession. The double-manning dampdown indudes an end to praying a solicitor or solicitor's clerk to attend court with a ST.

So is your inspiring support in these anxious times. May God reward you tor your vital gifts. Removing the need to pay for a junior barrister as well as a QC in a substantial number of legal aid cases would save about El million. Mr Lantern's interpretation of foe rules, foe committee report concluded, was tenable and h did not recommend any further action. Ministers should thus be subject to rules for the registration of interests in exactly the same way as other MPs. The Commons trade and industry select committee wil!

At that point reality stops and fantasy takes over. The operation was the much- publicised meeting between the MPs. The MPs were Sir [van Lawrence. Every inch a Tory barrister. Pofitieshasbecome dismal since the generaL election. They are unlikely to find so much fun in future. They are jittery about whether foe parly is in danger of undermining its European credentials as the Maastricht bill meanders its way through the Commons. They scrutinised every detail to see whether there had been any shift in policy. Unlike 20 years ago. The snag is that Tory splits are an irresistible target. Edinburgh summit, more than 90 MPs.

Many believe that Labour should not artificially prolong Commons discussion by. Mr Smith has fuelled these wearies by at timesopaque speech, he did not refer sterling's reentry into exchange-rate mechani ERM , but called instead an easing of the targets reducing budget deficits take account of foe recess and capital investment Pr ress towards economic a monetary union EMU m.

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The pro-Europeans fi that these comments and l Smith's ambiguity about w] Labour will do on third re; ing have encouraged at Maastricht MPS. MPs risk appearing dislo and lukewarm. Underiyi these arguments is a strugi for influence with Mr Sm between modernisers such Gordon Brown and To Blair, the independent-mir ed Robm Cook and traditic alists such as John Prescott.

Don't wony, foe Sm. He has not altered 1 view about the desirability o single currency; all he h been doing is to recognise t lesson from the forced ER. Mr Smith may not ha changed his views, but he ris CPnnmn -- a:. Mr Hatton was the moving spirit behind the conspiracy, in which he lobbied the. Liverpool denies two charges,. Roy Stewart 54, of Woohon.

Liverpool, denies one charge and John Monk. Would ypu; put your house in the hands of an estate agent who sold, it unknown to. Mrs Folan received some of the money arising from the transactions, this was not an ingredient of the offence. Body found' The body of Marie Richards. Buckinghamshire, after a trip to a supermarket last week. Night Cane Night Ch: Night Cane Night night Ch: Bye Bye etc, etc. It was rgected by her family, who said the dead woman had no involvement in politics or with paiamiKtaiy groups. According to police, two men asked fin; her at the door and- then opened fire, hitting her in foe back She was then shot in foe head.

The police said foe murder was the work of psychopaths. See you both soon Ch: Night CancNight Grp"Must have lunch — or what about coming up for a weekend? Night Cane Night night Crg: Anyway, see you both soon Ch: Arid, as I say. Cane Eye Gqp Or a weekend. See you- 1 Bye! Mr Rawiey said that; in September The trial continues today.

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It does, however, provide a forum for reshuffling priorities and making temporary coalitions. The several hundred British troops at the base donned flak- jackets and helmets before moving into protected areas. No one was allowed out as the rival sides opened fire at each other with a barrage of machinegun and mortar fire. General Sir John Waters, the commander-in-chief of UK land forces, was to have visited the base at Previously united against a common foe. Bosnian Serbs meet today in the town of Pale, east of Sarajevo, to debate the terms of the peace inititative.

Bosnia's Muslim-led government has spumed the Geneva map for giving the least land to the largest ethnic group and a disproportionate share to Serbs and Croats. In any event raging battles throughout the region have all but overshadowed talk of peace. But this was swiftly countermanded by Sefer Halflovjc, commander of the Bosnian Muslim army. Some shells landed on the town of Bajina Basta. It added- that a fresh push would be made to reach the trapped troops.

The agency added that at least. A soldier who will follow you through an assault course wilt probably follow you through a current affairs class. Easier said than done, you might say. If you have the potential to become an officer in the Educational and Training Services Branch of the Adjutant Generali Corps well spot Sl II months at Sandhurst will prove whether our judgement was correct.

Your first chance to prove yourself wi I co me as an instructor officer at an Army Education Centre, or perhaps as a platoon commander with voting soldiers. And as long as you want to be an officer first, and an instructor second you'll probably succeed. Bat two developments -put die ultimatum in doubt The Geneva peace talks came dose to an accord that could be grudgingly accepted by the Bosnian Muslims.

A decision to ship guns to Bosnia now would jeopardise Serbian approval of the Geneva deal and the Islamic states would be branded as warmongers. It was therefore politic to hang fire. YeL it is precisely the rivalry between Turkey and Iran for influence in the Balkans and Central Asia that is driving the Islamic debate on arming Bosnia.

That is , why the issue' of Bosnian arms shipments has been put on the back burner until the allied intervention in' Iraq is complete. Moreover, none of the. Bill Groton's national security team are known to be in favour of repealing the UN arms embargo. Bosnia, even more Than fat Iraq, wfll cause large numbers of caaisdtifis. Planes could destroy Serb artillery emplacements and airfields, Piece of mind: The work, by Auguste Rodin, later began its first ever journey out of France. The exhibits wffl later be shown in Hong Kong and Taiwan.

Turkey and many other key Iriartde stares seem thus to be- coming to foe. Corsican retreats attacked ' Nice: Police said roost of foe properties belonged to French and foreign visitors Tony Rooca writes. The clandestine Resistenza movement yesterday- claimed responsibility for attacks in. Maastricht treaty in a second referendum to be hrid this spring. A survey published in the Boersen dally indicated that 56 per cent in-. Ossetia and Ingushetia, which have been at. LV Holding gave a party. Wheneversome- thing in this- country goes wrong, there rationalists need someone to Name. Now they blame os, new businessmen.

Am I responsible for the bread queues? He ticked it up. Mr Enokyan says that he did begin business illegally, in what Ukrainians call the shadow economy. LV H tiding, which new controls 12 companies, has a monthly turnover of. LV Holding bays, goods abroad and sefis them in Ukraine, trades steel and 'textiles across what used to be the Soviet Union, holds interests in dollar foops, casinos and hotels. People who survive on tiny state salaries. Small businessmen teU how every licence, shop rental, or planning permission costs heavify in bribes, and say that Mr Enokyan most be paying someone really hag.

In Ukraine, most people believe no -. So Jar, they have found nothing. LV Holding began to appear in the newspapers. President Kravchuk's representative in Lvov, called foe co mpany jh. A senior Chiiiesedip- lomai in London told The Times, however, that China had no interest, in that meet: Britain's approach between now arid March will determine whether or not the March meeting goes ahead.

Assembly -m April " This is an issue that for more than four decades has been confined to a mental twilight zone where wartime bogies are hidden in order to avoid confrontation. Last week he proposed forming a pariia- mentary committee to debate refora of the US-written constitution. UN operations in Cambodia. Japan is hungry for Western,.

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Why does this country continue to be criticised as lacking good virtue? Mr Watanabe believes that if Japan wants to become a permanent security council , member,. That is the question that we regard as of principal importance, so we are not able to make any concessions. We are confident that the Hong Kong people, particularly business people, know how to act rightly in their own interests at this critical moment when we have differences between.

If the situation persists, the peoptewffl be forced to choose ride. This is-deaify against the interest of. Negotiations have been going on for months to make the sultans accountable for their actions in law, and to remove their capacity to pardon themselves. Yesterday Datuk Seri Dr Mahathir M foamed, the prime minister, made his last throw at persuading the rulers to yield to demands that he says are backed by the public.

Jfeere was no meaning. The prime minister pro- an overcrowded train ferries devotees borne from the town of Ton; known as Biswa Ijtema. They have lost fakh in his abffity to puQ foe country out of its difficulties. The prone minister has excluded from his new cabinet any ministers regarded as allied to his prindpal rivals. If he foils he will almost certainly have to face a leadership challenge later this year. And most export companies are foiling to meet delivery dates because of foe violence and curfews. Bombay and several areas in the Hindi-speaking northern heard and.

The prime minister hopes new blood in the cabinet will save his leadership foiled in attempts to pull together a loose alliance of anti-BJP parties to fight foe rise of extremism, reflecting the Congress party's declining political authority. Nor is there a sign of any end to foe violence. Tens of thousands rf people hare fled foe city and thousands more have taken refuge in schools, mosques and churches after hundreds of homes, shops and cars were set ablaze by rioters. Security forces have been gradually relaxing curfews imposed in riot-hit areas as foe city returns to something approaching normality.

Singh, a former prime minister and Janata Dal party leader, who is on hunger strike to appeal for peace, said normality did not just mean foe absence of violence. Our Hindu friends protected us. They helped us escape A sagging bed or a hard bed can aggravate your pain.

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At first sight the cabinet seems a themeless pudding, but Mr Clinton may have been extremely canny- He spent more time selecting the men and women who will run America than any previous occupant of the Oval Office. Viewed from that perspective, his cabinet makes sense. As treasury secretary, Mr Clinton has appointed Uoyd Bentsen. As Senate finance committee eh air man, Mr Bentsen championed nur merous tax breaks for the off; ' gas.

Mrs Clinton is not in foe cabinet, but her husband has made ft pjainthat he win listen to her views. Mis Clinfoh may be given an office in foe west wing of foe White House, the centre, of power, not in the east wine where First Ladies nor- do their woric. Robert Reich, the new labour secretary, fa an ardent free trader who advocates big government investment ; in training and; infrastructure.

However, Mr Clinton was - determined to appoint foe first woman attorney-general. Putting Ron Brown, the Dem- ooratsf party chairman and ultimate lawyeMobbyfat. Woodstock foe Wild West rap, jazz, soul. Mkhaef Jackson-even made a brief; visit singing next to Chef- sea Oin ton. A band ' Aaron-Copland's for the Common Man. I have worked to bring foe coimtiy together," he laid. The two groups do, howew' er, share some assumptions, and both support the need for a form of universal health care and more money for Head Start foe pre-school education scheme for under-fives from poor families.

But they do not. While an expansion of work-training programmes, for example, is favoured by both groups, the liberals see problems in this field as a matter only of too few people being covered by training schemes. The pro g ramm e could, become very expensive, especially if the universities used it to increase student numbers. Mr Clin ton and bis aides how. Listing her top five priorities , soon after her nami- natian, Ms Shalala. He challenged them to seize the opportunities presented by the new administration.

Behind schedule as usual Blaring a trail: Huy indude an HIV- positive teacher, a gun- control advocate whose husband was shot dead fay a mental patient and a Los Angeles apartment manager who drove the gangs from her bmkimg. He promised to build on tbe Middle East peace process and applauded the Somalia relief operation. Last week, a decision to beef up American coastguard efforts off Haiti to prevent refugees getting to America was taken jointly by Mr Bush and his successor. At best the Bpsh approadi has held out the prospect that economic hardship in Iraq will lead to foe toppling of Saddam.

Mr Clinton could well find. A Clinton aide said there had been discussions about cancelling. JL mobile — 8. Yet Mr Gore has been strangely silent mi this matter. Could this be because Iris own sleek Caddie is under construction at tins moment at General Motors m Michigan? H ere It Is! And there it was, after months of speculation — a sketch of Hillary's ballgown.

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Instead, she will represent all wives, all mothers, and all female executives. Expectations are high for this newfangled version of The Com- pleat Woman. She brought out all America's hopes and fears about the changing role of women. The new joke doing the rounds of Washington dinner parties is that M r Clinton is appointing Hillary to the cabinet and giving Barbara Bush a four-year contract to be First Lady. Hilary explaining this year's political equivalent of the K-Mart blue-tight-special.

Unauthorised biographies of M rs Clinton are all over bookshops like a nasty rash. An unpleasant hatchet-job is contained in an innocuous looking stocking-filler book, Hillarious: The quotes are preceded by this from Proverbs These soi tunerrts got her into troubie with some of the The sound and frny coining from the right exaggerates' foe 'public position — in a poll by the magazine Vanity Fair last year, The puhlic wifl not get that choice -in reality.

She was one of the five people. When the president-elect was asked who he wanted at his ride when he made the really big decisions; fie said: Ladies, to be as e d uca t ed and i. This curriculum vitae will not j go to waste. She i added that Vhang in g roles of men ; and women arid new insecurities mean! The-FtretJlady is trapped in foe ri loop arid must grin and bear it The. It yoii u-jnt to uufce biii-sivinp in the long tenu it will p.

It also o mverts rite son's r. To find our how much better you can do when you fit the best telephone us now. There's im obligation and you could end up with lower hearing bilLs. U Uaddiniu Uonrinvink I F. The sergeant-major was not wounded. The blast blew the chocolate bar out of his hand and he was searching for it. The'Falklands end war happened a long way from COnt home. The soldiers, sailors and airmen who still suffer from their experience have to keep their memories to themselves.

It even exceeds the fear of what might happen to them in the air. They are so mission-orientated, so geared up to popping the bombs into their laser baskets at foe right moment foat the threat from anti-aircraft fire is a secondary concern," Mr McManners. As soon as the bombs have dropped, they go into a-differ- pnr. Of course, they were Argentine soldiers. It was getting light, a sort of grey dusk, and we were getting towards the end of foe battle. He had crawled out of a cave and was no more than three or four feet away. Each sortie is like 2h minutes of complete panic surrounded by 4h hours of calm.

He turned to writing and. Goose Green was taken in spile of poor intelligence from the SAS who, according to foe chaplairt Maimed there was nobody there. Later, word came down foe line that Goose Green had already been taken by foe - Royal. And now psychiatrists are, too. And jt may - asrigned a care manager, usu- be the psychiatrists, rather afly a psychiatric nuree. Syxnp- are generaDy in-. Fm College erf Psychiatrists, winch on locking into yesterday co-hosted a day of ng because the lectures and workshops on it move towards community care training, ; but at least if s says: On the whofe, says Dr Matt Muijen.

Sometimes afam- fn -m fly has been,. W one else to take. Dr John Howat a psychiatrist and die director of Nottingham's rehabilitation and care services, says dial sometimes a family therapy approach is necessary. Fm not too keen on locking into the child thing because die person cannot move towards independence, but at least it's stable. Hernia surgery is die most common operation, in the United Kingdom 80, a year , affecting 10 per cent of the population at some point in their lives. The ratio of men to women hernia sufferers is 8: Men are mare prone to abdo minal hernia than women because of the postioning of their reproductive organs.

Because man stands upright, his testes hang in sudi a way tbai strain is put on his abdominal nwsdes and may weaken the abdominal wall. In fact die reverse may be true. This is because sex brings into play a large amount of stress hormones, which can eventually lead to stress-related diseases. It VOU1 can also aDow you It means you can truly red aim yourself, and become free from the sexual demands of your own body and also the sexual desires of other people, which you may not always feel like accommodating.

It seems to me that sex is more tike an addiction than a physiological need. The need for it grows foe more we feed it But once we dedde to step indulging, foe desire for it starts to diminish, and it begins to lose its hold, its fierce power over our lives. Instead, as we afl know to our cost sexual relationships so often cause pain and suffering to all concerned. The idea that sex increases human happiness started only with Freud, and soon became an orthodoxy. If you think Cing about it sex. It patently hasn't OWn worked to usher.

Perhaps the greatest benefit of the celibate life is that there is more time to nurture valuable friendships. Many happily celibate people, from Stephen Fry to the poet Stevie Smith, hove spoken of this. And of course, when you concentrate on friendship rather than sex. Whoever heard of a celibacy scandal? So is there a downside, a major drawback?

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And it is true that sometimes you will fed odd. But there's no need to don sackcloth and ashes. You can probably enjoy life's other pleasures even more. And the sense of calmness, of taking control over your own life: You are challenged more and your authority may be lessened in that you cant just tell them what to do, but you get a better working relationship. Itfs better to cany on chirping away. The waft can be as long as two years depending bn foe health authority, but the latest figures for England and Wales show thatin the average wail for a man was 54 days.

The recurrence rate, where a hernia has to be repaired a second or even a third time, is about 7 per cent and one of the highest in foe worid — posribfy because many general sur- K are not particularly interested in surgery. In this method, a patch of polypropylene mesh is inserted deep in the abdominal wafl and.

Or now you can do it yourself with the new Boots Home Cholesterol Test With the kit comes a 'Caring for your Heart' leaflet which puts the results of your Cholesterol test into context The instruction leaflet has a Freephone Helpline to give you more information if required. I did pause to consider for a moment what on earth had come over me. For example, how apposite. I mused idly, that Napoleon's member was today in private hands.

That Maxweflobilia will one day be valuable. You see, the collectors will be driven underground by public distaste. Which means they will gladly pay big bucks for black-market rubbish. And they will end up like those fanatical German dupes revealed by the Hitler Diaries fiasco, jealously guarding their secret torch-lit subterranean shrines, and wilting to sell the family business for foe merest glimpse of a genuine bugged table-lamp. So 1 am definitely on to a good thing. Ask yourself, when was fbe lad time you felt compelled to dash off a Post-It note' in authentication of one of your own outfits?

Maxwell's stuff fits perfectly into this world of lies and fakes, l reckon. Therefore it must be genuine! That should certainly keep foe punters begging for more. When our elections loom, earnest Americans ask me about the Jewish vote — which way will It go? I fell them, patiently, that although there are a substantial number of Jews in this counfry, there is no such thing as a Jewish vote, and l add that I pray nightly to my Jewish forefathers that there never will be such a thing. I cannot recall ever having been abroad in the middle of an election in any other country, so I do not know whether such questions would arise elsewhere; there must surely be a psephologist who can give us the data from all electoral systems.

Talking of psephologists, did you know that R. B- McCallura invented foe word psephology, in ? How different from us! I once invented an organ i sati o n called Black Single-Parent Lesbians against Killer Asbestos, but nobody involved in the Bushy Clinton fight would have found anything odd about it After all.

Why, then, the substantial and deep- rooted differences between the ways our two countries gamer support in elections and hold post-mortems after them? Take the Jews, for instance, with whom I started; apart, obviously, from anti- Semitism. I can think of nothing on which British Jews in general would The politics of the ghetto and the loss of the only national language threaten the great vision of the founding fathers agree, in numbers significantly large as to be thought of at elections as a group in the political sense. It goes further; pollsters who invented that word?

Not only do British Jews eschew voting en bloc. For foe inspector always brings good tidings; all governments, and a fortiori all oppositions, always promise, at election time, to give every farmer several hundred thousand million Bernard Levin Friday, starting on foe morrow of the victory of whichever party has won. Religious votes would be even more absurd in Britain; the C of E wouldn't dare to suggest or even hint at a vote for this or that parly, and the only occasion in modem times when a few words from Rome were heard, they were strictly ecumenical, if you see what I mean.

And do you remember the uproar when Billy Graham criticised socialism in Britain. Compared to us, America is far more — how shall I put it? There are some British rities. I am of rite opinion that foe United States did itself a very serious injury, an injury which in years to come could even be mortal, when it S up insisting that the national lage bad to be English, for nothing es a country more than its language. We have accidentally abetted the- lion-ai-bay syndrome. It is a tried and tested technique. In the 1C lUto U1 has opened before that belief absence of foe democratic cut-and- Britain has been slow I am very glad thrust, a society under an iron hed needs r pfl teTI to say in its progress into the EC But to create Us own sources of tension to — what do you suppose would be happen- save it from atrophy- The best is war.

The negotiations expansionist aggression When he died. There is a certain cohesive in as compared to and a long way into it, too. It is too easy logic to this. Dictators, as ft tide; either spring from the ranks of the xmHtaiy or aspire to them, wearing uniform as often as possible. Mnerais from bring- fng'flfcsr afraid!

Julius Cftesar brdte foe nries and gave the woxld a. The trick ties in persuading foe people that only one man. At its mast successful he becomes the embodiment of that nation. Caesar's success can be measured by the fact that afl his, unrela ted , successors adopted his family name. At the height of France's power in the 17th cennny, the Sun King. Hitler's grand varan of the future did not envisage permanent peace. A grumbling war was considered necessary to maintain the unity of the nation. True, it did it once; bat not in even foe most extravagant science fiction could there be foe story of die second American civil war.

I have strayed rather far from ejections, but it is elections in the United States that show, perhaps all unwittingly, the dangers. If you think you need a Jewish vote, a Spanish , vote, a Chinese vote, a fanning vote, a 1 fishing vote, a fox-hunting vote, a western, a southern, an eastern vote; where do you find an American vote, and what do you do with it when you have found it? There is an odd symbol in tins pattern, woven out of the time- changes across the United States; at election time, when the people are going ouf to vote, foe pells are crowded in Los Angeles, but on the other side of the country the booths in New 1 York have already dosed.

The idea has gained the support of some Tory MPs. But not yet Anyway, what can the politicians do and say? There is already a tendency topunch above our weight on the international scene. We have got our defence knickers in a terrible twist, thanks to the politicians. The prime minister has got a perfectly good secretary of state for defence and chief of defence staff Anyway, we are not running the war.

It was our war, with a little bit of help from the Americans. Oxford bursars are, perhaps, foe sorriest of all. Putting a brave face on things. It is a very new view, as the diseased tree which originally filled the gap was pulled down only a couple of years ago. Other colleges have adopted a more pragmatic approach. George Cassidy, the archdeacon of London, hopes that those whose lundxbreak is heralded fay the bell will contribute. Originally it was made with cast iron, but no one makes that any more. It will also be quite el job getting it down.

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